Beautiful Garbage by Garbage
2001, Interscope, 13 tracks at 53 min.
Now, listen, please, especially if you’re one of those Garbage fans who revere Shirley Manson as their alt-rock goddess. I’ve never listened to a Garbage album, in full, before Beautiful Garbage. Therefore I’m not one of those fans who didn’t like because it’s ‘too pop.’ This review is based simply on this album, and nothing else.
Unfortunately, this is the sort of album that’s nearly unlistenable. Now, I don’t mean the songs are so lo-fi they sound as if they’ve been run through an audio-sphincter, but instead I mean the exact opposite. These turds are so polished that they deceive the listener into thinking they are actually good, but once one realizes the piss-poor excuse for female vocals (yes, I said it; there’s nothing exciting about Shirley Manson’s voice), as well as the equally piss-poor excuses for lyrics and beats, then you realize that you could be listening to much better music. This record is a mindless, tightly-coiled dog-pile of pop on the lawn of alt-rock.
You might say, “Hey, you gave a 4 and half to Bedtime Stories, and you praised it for being mindless. What gives?” Now, if you actually said to yourself ‘what gives’ in hopes of it being a valid criticism then you’re quite hopeless, but I’ll put that fact aside and explain why this is the worst ‘sort’ of mindless music. You know why? This is the cerebrally bereft type of album that attempts to cover up its own intellectual emptiness with ‘maturity’ and ‘culture.’
Garbage, though, even fails at that. The highest order of literary reference they achieve is one to JT LeRoy-----JT LeRoy, who is even classed by Amazon reviewers, effing Amazon reviewers, as within the highest order of lit-shit. “Silence Is Golden” wouldn’t be a half-bad song if it wasn’t so painfully obvious that it’s their attempt at being “hardcore.” “Nobody Loves You” is a shameless Portishead derivative; and if mellow trip-hop is more your thing than listen to Garbage’s pitiful excuse for a Morcheeba song, “So Like a Rose.” But even these songs pale in terms of pure suck compared to the manufactured-for-radio “Parade,” “Breaking Up the Girl, ” and sixties-influenced “Can’t Cry These Tears.”
There’s one song that really gets me, though, and that’s single “Androgyny.” Now, I’m always quick to remind people of the benefits of androgyny, and I’d elaborate on my loon theories but since I’m reviewing this crap album I suppose I should summarize Garbage’s idea of androgyny. Come to think of it, there’s not much to summarize since Garbage’s idea of fluid gender goes as far as “Boys in the girl's room /Girls in the men's room.” I can only imagine that Shirley Manson’s head would explode if someone handed her a copy of Orlando.
The only song here that actually succeeds in communicating sonic pleasure is “Cup of Coffee,” and even then it’s built around shit imagery if you ask me. “You tell me you don’t love me over a cup of coffee,” sings Manson; and God, you really have to wonder what gives this band nearly 800k listeners on Last.fm.
You want ‘tough women?’ Then head towards Liz Phair and/or Julie Christmas. Looking for ‘androgyny?’ Then pick up an effing Boy George album. Literary references? Please, go find a Kate Bush CD. And if any of you kids honestly think this is trip-hop, the go get Blue Lines and listen to it on repeat for the next 72 hours. Then come back and tell me how ‘trip-hop’ this album is.
I could end on a nice pun, as most of the track titles just set themselves up for mockery. For example, I could say, “Shirley Manson, it’s time for you to ‘Shut Your Mouth.’” Or I could say, “Beautiful Garbage is ‘Untouchable.’” Or perhaps, “More like ‘Can Cry These Tears’ since I just listened to this album in full.”
But I’ll take the high road this time and resist the puns.
This album sucks.
RATING: 1/5
Post new comment