Being a cartoon aficionado means that I often watch Cartoon Network and the like. It also means that I often sit through numerous shitty commercials, each one making me wonder, "What can top this, the seeming-pinnacle of all things shitty?" But one commercial has silenced that debate. No longer do I say to myself, "Is this the worst commercial on children's televsion, at this moment, on this fortnight?" No. Normally, webjunk does not enrage me thus, but this...this is SO BAD (Full rant after the jump).

There are so many things that make this commercial so goddamned awful and near-infuriating. A Danimals hoodie? The usual cliche of a movie studio replete with all sorts of 'wacky' denizens, time periods, and exotica? Really, what film is going to require minutemen, an alien, an Easter island head, and sailors all on set at the SAME TIME? Did Thomas Pynchon write the script? Is he co-directing this shit?

Omg, Mom, you have to but me some Danimals Crush Cups. All the kewl kids have them. How are you supposed to be cool eating with a spoon? Spoons r4 squarez!!! I will look so kewl and sexy to the older kids---u kno, the 6th grade boiz lol---if I has yogurt dripping from my chin.

Seriously, is a spoon that much of a problem? I mean, I know this is marketed at kids (and select 20+ douchebags who will be like "Hey guys, I got some Crush Cups, LOL, let's get toked"), but is a spoon that old-fashioned? Is this some anarcho-primitivist thing? DOWN WITH THE SPOONS OF OPPRESSION, MY BRETHREN! JUST CRUSH AND SLURP 4 A BLAST OF LIBERATED FRUTEE FLAVA!!

Also, the Sprouse brothers are annoying and talentless, but you should know that already.

NO SPOON? OF COURSE NOT, IT'S A CRUSH CUP, SILLY. YOU JUST NEED TO SLURP.

The reviews are in, 101cats101 GAVE THIS A THUMBS DOWN.

GET YOUR BLAST ON!