tv

Luanne is upset because The Cleveland Show is taking her time slot.

Well, folks. It’s over. After twelve years on the air, King of the Hill has died on a propane-fueled funeral pyre. Its series finale—an episode in which Bobby joins a ‘meat knowledge’ team—aired last night, and it was odd watching the episode knowing that once the half-hour was up—that was it. I was duly mocked by my colleagues for missing the Kanye drama at the VMAs, but it was worth missing for a fine finale to a consistently decent show.

The Simpsons, over the course of 21 seasons, have dipped in-and-out of quality. KOTH, however, rarely deviated from its path. There were episodes that were purely fantastic—such as the season one story in which Hank, Peggy, and Bobby all become addicted to cigarettes—and others that were simply watchable. Throughout its career, KOTH examined a small subculture, but it was one of critical import. What does its cancellation say about American tastes in television? Were we just tired of the shtick, or are we no longer interested in the modernist day-to-day drama? Whatever the reason, there were thirteen frigging seasons of this show. I don’t think we have to worry about running out of episodes to watch. Regardless, there weren’t any shows quite like King of the Hill. The Goode Family failed, and any future efforts to replicate its social commentary and strikingly human comedy won’t quite succeed as it did.

Goodnight, sweet propane prince.

Mp3: “Oh What A Beautiful Morning” by Peggy Lee

Hey, I calls em as I sees em.

I’m sure other people have noticed this, but isn’t every episode of Rugrats the same episode? Babies go on an adventure, Angelica is jealous and bitchy towards them, she tries to get them caught, she’s foiled and the babies are back in their pen. Nostalgia wise, it’s a fine show, but really—did we need one-hundred plus episodes of whatever the hell Didi Pickles was supposed to be? (For fun: Go to around 2:50 in this episode and note Didi’s incorrect prediction that disco would never return. Fucking Hercules and Love Affair.) While I hate to change my opinion from three lines up, my reviewing of these episodes makes me think they aren’t so bad. It’s basically Home Movies, except with babies and more poop humor. Pick your poison.

Other great moments in the ‘Garage Sale’ episode: Andrew Bird shopping at 0:26, Angelica being a conniving succubus at 2:00, “CHUCKY!” at 3:50, and lessons for da recession at 4:25.

See what happens when I try to post on a schedule? I post crap like this.

So what’s out today in music? Sondre Lerche’s new record is out, but at a steep $10 for the Mp3 album I don’t think I’ll be getting it anytime soon (you did listen to Didi Pickle’s recession speech as mentioned above, didn’t you?). You can also pick up A Fine Frenzy’s new album for $3.99 at Lala (don’t expect too much). Amie Street has some interesting bargains in Yo La Tengo and Nudge.

Well, that’s it. I got my post in for the day. They’ll be better once I get used to the daily schedule.

And, Christ, wasn’t this episode just gorgeous?

Mp3: “Good Luck” by Sondre Lerche (from Heartbeat Radio) (Alt. link)

Just in case you don't keep up with current events (why would you, when you can listen to Animal Collective and smoke pot all day?), American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee have been pardoned and will be coming home from North Korea. Now, two things. First, I'll admit---while this story began way back in March, I've only just learned about it; as I'm sure many other people just have. So, yeah, 'mainstream news hound blah blah blah'. Second, some people may have been supporting Ms. Ling and Ms. Lee because Ling's sister is Lisa Ling. "Hey, she's the relative of a journalist we like; LET'S SUPPORT HER WITH THE FULLNESS OF OUR HEARTS." Stop. Coming from someone who has been around real (as in non-blog) journalists for most of his life, let me tell you. A regular sports beat in some obscure Massachusetts villa can be a hassle. Being imprisoned in North Korea is obviously that difficulty multiplied by a thousand white suns. Thus, after that sort of ordeal, I wish to best to these two young women as they come back to America

You know, America? The country where journalists aren't prosecuted?

So, here's the wacky twist...Bill Clinton was the one who got the pardon! Pretty sly, huh? Then again no one does ‘sly’ better than the Clintons.

Nah, just kidding! Good job, Bill. Perfect star, seriously. With the amount of shit we’ve flung at the guy, he deserves a few jokes not based on pimping, cigars, et cetera. Now we can make jokes about him and Kim Jong Il, which are obviously of a higher pedigree than “Hur hur hur, he hit dat.” Also, I get the feeling that Clinton somehow violated the Logan Law, but that’s pretty swell.

Here’s some music, in honor of Bill’s achievements today, because this:

…is the face of a champion

Mp3: "William’s Last Day at Work" by Venus Hum

Hey, Family Guy fans! You know how your favorite show always covers serious issues in a composed-yet-satricically-valid matter? Wow, ridiculing Christianity! That wasn't done in say, oh, I don't know...2. As in the year '2'. As reported by the Los Angeles Times, Macfarlane is upset at Fox because the channel is holding back on airing an abortion-themed episode.

"Boo hoo! You mean I have to wait until the DVD comes out to watch this?" Yeah, I'M SO SORRY.

Of course, given the track record of Family Guy, I'm sure we can expect this to be a Third-Wave Feminist episode that will hold women in high-esteem and treat them as intellectuals and individuals. Somebody call bell hooks; she should watch this shit. I mean, there's only been a few misses by Family Guy in the gender department---like Stewie shooting a prostitute, Meg being raped by Quagmire (paedophilia and podophilia), Meg and Lois being secretly taped by Chris with professional video equipment, Peter's becoming a feminist dispelled by Lois fighting with another woman because it's 'hot', a woman raped on shore by a criminal for the sake of a fucking Aquaman joke, the entire Simpson family being murdered after Quagmire sexes up Marge just so MacFarlane can 'stick it to the man' or whatever, and Lois' sudden dominance in the bedroom becoming a subsequent point of mental scarring for Peter.

Now, don't take me as some Puritan book-burner straight out of a Hawthorne romance. I wouldn't say I'm "offended" by Family Guy. I've found it funny on many occasions, but you won't find me plastering Brian Griffin stickers all over my laptop. My main problem with this sort of situation is that because Family Guy is an immediately accessible medium---sit down on a couch and watch, wow, real tough---it is more likely to be defended by people because they don't have to devote much of anything to understanding it. And when somebody understands something, and they like what they understand, they may try and defend it. Such is the case with Family Guy. Open a dictionary and look up 'absurdist' and ta da, there's your defense. And because Family Guy is apparently something that Samuel Beckett would Tivo, that means all its racist, homophobic, and sexist jokes are just 'absurdist ploys', meant to demonstrate the futility of existence, and to undercut the silliness in degrading someone based on stereotypes that, are in turn, based on nothingness.

Tl;dr: A good defense would be too say that MacFarlane uses 'offensive' jokes to debase the homophobia/racism/sexism that is central to their humor.

But let's be rational here---MacFarlane is not Samuel Beckett, all right? His show is aimed at a young, easygoing sort of demographic, not too concerned with 'serious stuff'. So why should we assume that viewers---to be blunt, teenaged American viewers who aren't too learned in the art of 'subtlety' or 'satire'---will view an episode on abortion and pick up on whatever 'subtle' and 'progressive' hints are in there? Christ, I mean, look at this video; more specifically the comments. Wishing to be raped by a woman?

This is me trying to even begin analyzing that:

In short: don't defend this shit, because people see it as 'TOTALLY RANDOM HUMOR' that is harmless, but really---what sort of media doesn't indoctrinate you with something? So cut the 'Stop being a stuffy, sensitive loser' act, and call a turd a turd. And please, let there never have to be another Family Guy post on this site EVER AGAIN.

For putting up with this post, here's a cut from the new Portugal. The Man album. The first half is pretty crappy, I'll be honest; but the second half is decent and doesn't leave me yearning for Bonnie Raitt for some reason.

Mp3: People Say by Portugal. The Man

Goddamn N. They're playing season six of Degrassi ALL OVER AGAIN. Don't they know it's simply too painful for me to witness JT's death twice in the same week? Sob sob sob. Well, today's recap is of season 6, episode 14 ("Free Fallin, Part One"). Paige is stressed at Banting University, and she also has to return home to prepare the Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Peter tries to tell Darcy that's he changed, and that he's ready for a relationship again. Darcy, however, is skeptical, and subjects Peter to some work at the local homeless shelter. She says, "You have to peel some apples [potatoes?] before you can get wid me." She directs Peter to a table where a disgruntled Asian-Canadian woman is sitting. "Wait," says Darcy, pausing to put a hairnet on Peter (I thought it was some sort of Christian purity circlet; you see, Darcy is a mega X-tian). Said Asian woman hands Peter a paring knife with a look in her eyes that says, "Get to work, blondie!!" Then, at the family dinner, Paige manages to explode the turkey. "I told you not to overstuff the bird," says her father smugly in the background. Alex and her temporary girlfriend begin to laugh, and while Alex is usually the super-ghetto-hot-but-really-bitchy girl, she is especially hurt as Paige yelled at her prior to the dinner. "Alex, YOU LESBO!! GET OUT OF MY LIEF!!" Then, Peter gets in trouble for driving with a suspended license and Darcy is like, "PETER, YOU LIAR!" And then Paige sets fire to her dorm BECAUSE SHE CAN'T HANDLE THE DRAMA.
RATING: 4/5

If you're not exhausted after reading that whole thing (if you read the whole thing), then here's what's planned for the upcoming week on Squid Can. I've got reviews of Boards Of Canada, Alexisonfire, Zeena Parkins, Vanessa Williams, Lullatone, and Grizzly Bear in the works. Aside from those, I have a slew of new musics to explore and review---including Sonic Youth, Pixies, These Arms Are Snakes, Fall of Troy, and some goofy new age shit. So, things are looking up for Squid Can in July---did you see the new banner at the top (well, how could you not)? It is, after all, calamari season.

Oh, and here's some free music. You cheapskates.

Download "Bear" by The Antlers (via Last.fm)

...What?

No, really, what does that title even mean? I explained it to myself and I'm still not sure if it makes sense. Anywho, here's today's Degrassi recap. Paige, dating her teacher Mr. Oleander, realizes that their relationship is in jeopardy of being exposed. Paige's Somalian-BFF Hazel learns about this illicit relationship and is like, "Hey, wut's goin on here; why didn't you tell me?" and Paige is all, "Hey, lay off," and then Hazel is like "Mr. Oleander, u only have eyes for Paige." Then, drama erupts in de hallway when Manny gets into a catfight with Paige. Mr. Oleander and Principal Hatzilakos (the new principal; fresh from the school shooting drama) come to break it up, but Manny goes "Mr. Pedophile, or should I say Mr. Oleander?" and the audience goes "Woah!!" Then, Snake gets pissed when Principal Hatzilakos thinks Paige is entirely at fault, and he's about to speak up when Mr. Oleander says, "We had...a relationship." The ep ends on a park bench, with Paige and Mr. Oleander concluding that his ephebophilia is totally warranted now as he is no longer a teacher.
Rating: 4/5

In music news: I'm heading off to Best Buy (yes, I shop at Best Buy; go ahead, be a hipster ass about it) to get the new Regina Spektor and Alexisonfire LPs. If you prefer megabytes to mortar, you can get both albums at Amazon Mp3 on the cheap ('megabytes to mortar'? Am I a fifty-year old 'weblog columnist'?). Also out: a new of Montreal single (upon sampling I said to myself, "Shit, can't addicted to this album again"), a side-project soundtrack from one of the 700 people in Belle and Sebastian, the latest Soca Gold (admit it; you have the whole series) and some highly-British shit acoustishit made by a kid who I sorta look like. Except I'm American, and thus I probably have better teeth.

Buy Old Crows/Young Cardinals by Alexisonfire
Buy Far by Regina Spektor
Watch dat fight

P.S. Holy crap, the reviews on Amazon for the new Alexisonfire album is a goldmine of lulz. "I thought this was going to be a collection of pleasant bird songs but it's just a lot of screaming. Very misleading cover." Jesus, are people that dumb?

P.S.S. The guy who thought the new Alexisonfire album was full of frigging birdsongs may be a troll. I will keep you folks updated.

P.S.S.S. I don't think he's a troll; he's just a Jethro Tull fan.

Look, everyone! New buttons! In a new order! To make navigation a hassle! Just kidding. Considering that like three people visit this site, I figured a change of graphics was in order. I've also organized them a bit more logically, grouping them by category---news, reviews, music downloads, video stuff, and so on. SO if you're wondering where these snazzy new images came from (though I can't really see anyone giving a crap), here's a list:

-The album reviews picture is of Madonna (previous one was of Bjork)
-The book reviews picture is Lady in a Green Jacket by August Macke
-The Mp3 picture is also by August Macke; it's called Russian Ballet
-The mixtapes picture was drawn by me (2007)
-The 'TV' picture is from Time Transfixed by Rene Magritte
-The 'photographs' button features the 122nd untitled film still by Cindy Sherman
-"Art" and "All about me" feature Japanese Pokemon cards

So, less boring news. Well, maybe even more boring. I have a few reviews almost completed, so expect this post drop off the front page pretty quickly. I also just received Yellow House in the mail, so you can expect a review of that in the next few weeks.

But I have a more pressing matter to attend to: the massive amount of Degrassi I watched last night. You see, I've been going to bed early, but when I saw that season six was airing in its entirety, I realized that the episode where JT dies would be airing. I decided to stay up and watch it, and...things just worsened from there. It's gotten to the point where I can identify not only each character on screen, but who each of those characters dated. Also, as lulzy as that screencap may be, JT's death in context was the sadness. Like, The Fame. Except it was The Sadness.

Wow. If Robert Christgau visited this blog right now, he'd give it a dud. Now, excuse me, but I have some Paige drama to catch up on. Alex can't go on stripping forever to support her deadbeat mom!

Download "Cheerleader" by Grizzly Bear (via Grizz-Webs)

P.S. Don't worry about that guy that killed JT. He went to jail.

A few weeks ago, my Dish was upgraded from like the 1997 version to the 'New and Improved' model, which has made it much easier for me to waste time with extra channels like Nicktoons, Boomerang, and the N. You see, whereas on my old Dish, the N and Noggin were one channel, on this Dish package they're two separate channels. Do you know what that means? I can watch Little Bear and Degrassi at the same time. THE SAME TIME.

Since the weather has blown lately (Oooo, what a pun), I've been inside, tapping away my keyboard, writing reviews and so on. When I'm not listening to Bjork remixes, the TV is on, and I've digested quite a bit of Degrassi lately. See those crappy screencaps at the right? They doing anything for ya? They should be, as those screencaps recount the crucial moment when Paige came to Alex's door, professing her Etheridigian love in the most wholesome way possible on pre-primetime teenager's TV.

I also had the opportunity today to watch the Disney made-for-TV movie Up, Up, and Away, starring George Jefferson Sherman Hemsley as the Steel Condor. But the real focus of the movie is on his character's grandson who, despite not having superpowers like the rest of his family, still manages to save the day! There's this cool earthy girl who tries to brainwash children with hardcore eco-propaganda, this girl who looks like Carly Simon, and the lovable 'sidekick' who jokes and is sooo white. But all in all, it was an enjoyable film. I was critical for about five minutes before I started to enjoy it.

One more thing:

"HEY I'M ELI-JAH, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO DO MY DANCEY-DANCE!" begins the most postmodern preschooler's TV segment in recent memory:

I don't know anything about Elijah Wood (maybe I've seen a movie starring him?), except that he has cool facial hair/clothing in this video, and that's he super-short. But: do I need to know anything beyond that to know that this video is awesome? I think not. I mean, look at those monsters. Happy monstaz.

And, also, Yo Gabba Gabba reminds me of Lullatone, albeit more electrotrash than ambient lullabies. You see, Lullatone thinks they are too good for Yo Gabba Gabba. Frigging Lullatone. They better get their act together.

Oh, btw, JT dies.

Oops, gtg guys, my fave degrassi ep is on. Da one wid the paedophile blog drama (but not that original one; dis is the one specifically about a blog) <3 <3 <3 <3 See ya!!!

Listen to the new Lullatone album, Songs That Spin in Circles at Last.fm

Cartoon Network has revved up its amazing summer block of 'Har Har Tharsdays' again, with new episodes of The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Chowder, and a new season of Total Drama Island called Total Drama Action. Well, the new Flapjack ep just finished up and OH MY GOD IT WAS SO GOOD. I know, I usually try to resist being a total jackass fan, but this episode was just perfect--so much so that I even took a shitty screencap with my Nikon just so I could have an image to illustrate this post. In the first story, Flapjack is mistaken for a girl and attempts to discover a cure for his femininity. In the second installment, Captain K'Nuckles robs the Mermaid Queen (pictured at right) of her heart, and hilarity ensues in various fashions. It may be a children's show, but it sure does have a lot of class. Hence, watch next week's Flapjack at 8:30 EST. It'll be your own Candied Island.

And to wash down that salty seawater, here's some Sonic Youth. Enjoy.

Download "Sacred Trickster" (via Fileden)

P.S. Yes, I know these posts are a bit lacking at the moment, but I'm off for the summer in just 4 days, so Grade-A Squid will be returning soon.

Mike Judge has a new series, The Goode Family, premiering Wednesday night and, whoo, boy, I can already see the fire it's going to light. Well, not really. Practically the converse to King of the Hill---or better yet, the cultural continuation from where KOTH left off---The Goode Family focuses on a super-liberal, vegan, white-guilt ridden, eco-warrior family. Judging by the preview below, things seem a bit over the top; and on the technical side, the animation appears uneven.

But still, one has to give credit to Judge and crew for tackling political correctness. If there's one thing that postmodernism has totally fucked up it's political correctness. I mean, a quickie blog post on a website named after a calamari isn't exactly the best canvas for deep discussion of this, but really. Postmodernism is all about the dissolution of cultures; the end of culture. To value Latino or black culture over Western Culture is ridiculous---all cultures suck equally. Of course, it all returns to 'white guilt'---you know, when bourgeois people realize they've been jackasses for half their lives. "Everybody's culture should have a chance; those white guys have had the spotlight long enough." Total bull. Patronizing minorities essentially tells them they can't do anything on their own; I don't see what's so difficult to understand about that. Too conservative for you? Hey, I'm still a Pynchon-reading, noise-rock-listening, witticism-dispensing, mega-feminist squid. So there.

And, oh, this? Yeah, this is when postmodernism sort of looses its edge.

Do you care about TV? Of course you do. You're probably watching some right now, you fat bastard. In fact, you may be twiddling your thumbs, waiting for the IMDB page of the guest star you just saw on Grey's Anatomy to load.

Since we've established that you like TV, I figured that you may want to know what I think of what's on TV. There's more to me than just music reviews. I'm an all-around intellectual/jackass. So here are a few fresh reviews of what's on TV, accompanied by the Lickitung Grading System (out of ten instead of five). Hurrah.  read more »

Normally you'd have to watch out for a "Fox in the Snow," but when that "fox" comes from mellow indie-pop legends Belle and Sebastian, it's certainly not a threat. Continuing the trend of unrelated news from yesterday: nine-year old Alec Greven has published a book, How to Talk to Girls. As if the publishing industry wasn't already a crapshoot of unneeded text, we now apparently need some nine-year-old Heathcliff to provide romantic advice. I think it's pretty obvious that most of the people purchasing this will be WASPy, childless adults looking for a cutesy laugh with their Christmas wine. Enjoy the hugely precocious video below and read more about the book at MSNBC.

Download "Fox in the Snow" from drop.io

Having a Yuletide ball? Celebrate it by dancing to a "Hyper-ballad." On a side note, the new Fox show The Secret Millionaire is so well-done that even a postmodern bastard such as myself can enjoy it. Millionaires go incognito in an impoverished community and find people deserving of a hefty donation---just the heartfelt sort of program perfect for inspiring some Christmas spirit. Watch the trailer below, and catch the show Wednesday nights at eight on Fox.

Download "Hyper-ballad (Post Live Version)" from Mediafire